As I sat out at the pool the other day, I realized something that scared me: I was annoyed at the kids jumping in the water. Damn, I’m getting old. So, I sat up and watched them leap from the edge into the cool water. Don’t worry, I was hidden behind my shades and mustache. All they were doing was cannon balls. This made me realize that kids today are dumb. So, in lieu of the modern child’s stupidity, let us explore the different styles and techniques involved in creating a big splash at your local
pee spot community pool.
Cannon Ball: The classic. Everyone knows how to cannon ball. While some people are more gifted at this than others, no one can deny how great the jump is. Essentially, all one must do is tuck their knees to their chest (shaping their body like a cannon ball), and jump in the water. This was made famous by both Kevin Mcallister and Ron Burgundy.
Splash rating: 9.2
Belly Flop: Another jump as old as time itself. All one must do is spread their arms, and jump in, allowing their belly to absorb the splash from the pool. This one stings like hell, and is a popular for bullies to inflict damage on nerds.
Splash Rating: 8.7
Pencil: A more delicate jump, the pencil is a tad more rare among certain circles. To perform, keep your legs and arms prostrate, and jump into the water feet first (keeping your body straight…like a pencil). The splash is light, but the ladies will swoon to any man that can master the pencil.
Splash Rating: 2.1
Can Opener/Jack Knife: Known for the large splashes it produces, the Can Opener is performed by springing from a diving board, pulling one leg upwards towards the chest, securing the leg with one’s arms, and tilting the body back to a 35 degree angle. After hitting the water with the correct combination of form and entry angle, the emergence of splashes exceeding 15 feet are common.
Splash Rating: 9.1
Dead Man Flop: Stand with your back to the water, spread your arms, and fall back. Think of it as a backwards belly flop…or a back flop. The idea is to imitate the action of a man dying, and falling into the water. To get really crazy, have a friend pretend to shoot you, then perform said flop.
Splash Rating: 7.3
Swan Dive: A forward dive performed with the legs straight together, the back arched, and the arms stretched out from the sides and then brought together over the head as the jumper enters the water. This dive was made famous by the Old Spice guy. Graceful, yet masculine.
Splash Rating: 6.2
Flip/Back Flip: I consider this to be elusive. Everyone had one friend that could achieve the epic flip into the pool. This jump is obviously easier off the high dive, and is performed by doing a flipping motion. Careful not to pull a Greg Louganis.
Splash Rating: 6.9
Spinning Tornado Kick: Courtesy of Tommy, thanks Tommy…Thommy. This jump was revolutionized in the 90s because of the WWF. Simply jump out into the pool while rotating your body in a sideways motion while kicking. Easy. If done correctly, your splash will be low. If done incorrectly, you will flop into the water, creating a huge wave.
Splash Rating: 5.5
I’m sure there are more that I am forgetting, like the Frantic jump, the Spinning Flower, the Nutcracker or the Johnson. But the beauty part of pool jumping is that if you can dream it, you can do it! So go get your jump on!